Hitting a good or bad milestone in your personal life is always a good thing. You grow as a person and you are forced to mature enough to handle the other half.
Growing together in the last 5 years, I realized that each of us picked our own paces, grew in the direction that we most wanted and yet we stay rooted together. I did not lose my individuality. Yes, I am known to many of BK's friends as his wife and yet amongst them, there are many who know me for me. All my friends love BK and my family...well, they have come out and said that they love him more than they love me. Sigh!
I marvel at life and it's randomness in making the most profound things happen, ever so casually. I met BK by chance and at that time I fully thought that there was no way I would ever marry this guy. What if it had not been? But you know, it was meant to be.
We had friends over on the morning of our big day, great food and our kids were slightly sick and it was a cold and rainy day. And I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. The ups and downs of life manifested.
We decided on a steak wine and dine that night and we took our kids along. Half way through the starters, feeling thrilled that O ate plenty, we dared to relax. Just then O threw up right in the center of the restaurant, where we were seated. She threw up things she ate couple of days earlier, it was a mother of all throw-ups. When the projectile throwing up ended, we packed up our steaks and headed home. After the girls went to sleep and puke stains washed off, we ate our cold steak alone amidst laughter and stories of our girls.
But undeterred, we decided to try again the very next day. And this time, half way through our starters, Lil A throws up where we were seated and I made a mad dash to the ladies room with her and she kept throwing up all the way over. The best thing was I managed to keep the puke off her and my clothes. WIN!
This time, we shrugged and continued eating.
Yes, I wouldn't change a thing. Life happens irrespective of all the milestones it brings us. This day, we were surrounded by friends and family. Blessing aplenty.
Cheers to life and the people in it.
Really, Babe? Really?
- Yes, I may have said that you can go and have fun with the boys or colleagues or whatever but that doesn't mean that when you return, I am not going to say, 'While you were out having a ball, I was cleaning poop and chasing these kids!'.
- Yes, if you have been out of the house for any time more than 2 hours then when you return you are on diaper duty and food service.
- I am doing you a huge favor if I have to put my phone down, get off the couch to get you anything, switch on anything or scratch your back. This means you are putting the kids to bed that night.
- Yes, it has been me throwing out all your razors or hair stubs covered anythings off the bathroom counter. Don't you understand why it is that I disappear whenever you start looking for your sh!t!
- There are only two reasons why I fold and do your laundry - 1) I can't just do mine and leave all of yours there and 2) It's leverage to use against you for that weekend. Remember how I say, 'I did allllllllllllllllllllllllll of this laundry, so please make dinner, bathe the kids and put them to bed while I try to rest with my achy back'?
- You know how over the last 5 years, you have build up quite a stock of single socks? Yeah, that's on me. Every time you leave your socks right in the middle of the stairs, walk-in or hallway, I toss it.
- Stop buying colors of shirts and tees that I don't like. Some of them are so bright that noone notices me next to you. And you remember how you were looking for them? Well, guess who makes a Red Cross donation once a month?
- Yes, there is a reason why your million shoes are stored in the garage and my precious few are inside the foyer - 1) you have millions of them and 2) mine are precious. So yes, it has been me who tosses your shoes into the garage.
- I am the-shut-down-and-lock-up person in this house. I don't care if you roll your eyes and tell me that you locked up because guess what I find when I get downstairs? Atleast one light lit and one door unlatched.
- Yes, no matter how much we "discuss" this loudly, you spending anything on anything is taboo. IT IS NOT the same when I do it. Where have you ever heard of men being called 'high maintenance'?
- Even though I do not show it, if you leave your mail box open on our laptop, I do look at it. I haven't clicked open anything or scrolled through it....yet. It is not beneath me.
- I am sure you have gotten some hints but if someone gives you a compliment, they better give me one too. I don't know how this is your problem but it is.
- Sorry that I am not overly enthused when you decide to cook. You mess up my kitchen and use every single pot and pan in my kitchen. I keep my kitchen spotless and ...well, basically unused. I like it that way. I hate that the price for that yummy dinner that night is for me to clean up.
- Yes, I leave all the dirty jobs for you and act like I would have done it when you have started it.
- I disappear when you start cleaning up or vacuuming because you make me move things and lift things and put things away. Dude, cleaning up and vacuuming involves these tasks. I can easily hold a vacuum and move it around the room...it's these tasks that make vacuuming a least favorite job. *rolling eyes*
- No matter how many times you count and keep tabs, I am not going to take out the garbage, it's a man's job - there, I said it. And no, you can't toss my question back at me - 'Since when is it a woman's job?'
- Yes, if we have gone to bed angry, I mindfully toss, turn, sigh loudly and pull at the comforters to waken you. Why should you be sleeping when I am fuming?
Hun, I just thought I would come clean, it being our 5th year coming up and all. I totally love you.
Cmon 'fess up ladies and men too. I am sure many of you have some juicy confessions to make.
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In a few days, I will get an expensive gift.
In a few days, BK and I will hit a small milestone in our journey together. 5 years of staying married, of surviving with each other and despite each other. For good, great or bad, we made 5 years worth of memories.
We learnt a lot too.
10 things I learnt in the last 5 years courtesy BK
- Pick your battles. The war goes on forever.
- Bodily functions are just that. They may look yucky, sound funny and definitely smell terrible but they do not define a person. Just what he ate that morning.
- Hide your flaws in his imperfections. Embrace both.
- Conventions and stereotypes have no place in your marriage. Define your own terms. He cooks; she fixes. He does the math; she shops. He takes pictures; she balances the checkbook. It's all good.
- Park your arguments and present an united front to your common frenemy - your sly children.
- After the kids come along and there's been plenty of loud crying - your tears are not going to stand a chance in melting any hearts. Don't bother.
- There is no HIS' and HER'S... whoever get's there first and whoever blinks first is what matters.
- No matter what, the other person's side of the bed is cooler, softer and more comfortable.
- Don't keep tabs on anything. Tabs just show that it's still countable and not countless.
- Let's face it - after a closet full of clothes, she still has nothing to wear and just about every sport in the world is riveting to him.
: At the end of every day and every hurdle, you love him and he loves you and together you guys love beer. So Cheers!
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There is a blogger that I follow - Dani Ryan on her blog Cloudy, with a Chance of Wine
, who puts a huge goofy grin on my face each day.
Dani is super funny and such a warm soul. What I like best about her apart from her OMG-pee-your-panties kind of funnies, is that she responds to all the comments that her readers leave her. And we love her for it.
Recently she posted 10 Things I enjoy when my Husband is away on Business
. She is one softie and misses her husband when he is away.
I commented with 10 things of my own. I am not a softie. Enough said.
Sorry that I didn't type it all up or copy it over. I am just made that way.
And Dani did say she would be honored. Go on and get your wine over at Cloudy, with a chance of Wine
. Cheers Dani!
Name something that you would do when the cat is away, won't you?
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No, not this one.
Now this dates back to right before I proposed to BK
When I had decided that's what I wanted to do, I needed the right ring without busting my mattress open for my savings. And this was a spur of the moment plan with no years of planning or saving up. So where does a girl go to pick out a ring?
I got Mummu Tee
Me. (Check out that doll holding a doll!)
So promising myself that I wouldn't go over my budget and wouldn't buy anything for myself, we set out to the Diamond Hut Jewelry. After looking high and low for the
ring , I settled for one that was a good runner up. I was getting the coldest feet ever. Mummu Tee decided to buy something at the Jewelry as well. So I took a break from ring hunting and decided to walk around the mall. (Seriously, Men have the easiest job of picking out a ring - pick the biggest, DONE!)
My 'walk' led me straight to another Jewelry Showroom. The jeweler over there - Mike (looks exactly like Jason Statham
) was on 'salesman-steroids' that evening. I ended up telling him what I wanted, why I wanted it and when. He went for the kill (and overkill with his flattery and wishing there was a girl who would propose to him)
and ended up showing me the perfect ring
. The perfect ring which had BK written all over it. The problem was, it was way over my budget. And Mike just wouldn't stop with his sweet talking.
Meanwhile Tee kept calling me to close the deal at Diamond Hut. So I resisted Mike's charms and left. I ended up buying the first reasonable and affordable ring that I had picked out.
Walking out, poorer and not very thrilled I told Tee that I found the ring but I can't buy it. I told her I will show it to her provided she promises not to like it, not to comment on it and not let me buy it. She promised.
So we went over to the second Jewelry Showroom. Mike greets us like a vulture circling his walking dead carcass (but nicer). With great flourish, he displays the ring. Tee stands still for a second and then bursts out gushing and then in a whisper says, 'This is BK's ring'. We had a 'my precious...my precious' moment right there.
Great! Try getting out of that one. My wing-woman turned. And Mike is doing a victory dance!
Turns out, for me it was this Ring experience after all
Elaine Benes' awesome dance! Image: Google images
So there I was standing with one diamond ring in my bag and another beckoning to me with it's gleaming eyes locked on mine and in between a hippity hoppity-ing Jeweler and Tee going Gollum on me.
I have no recollection of what happened after that. About 20 mins later, I was the proud and poor owner of 2 diamond rings for men. Atleast my wing-woman was thrilled to bits.
And ofcourse BK loves his ring
. He saw the other one and meh
-ed it immediately.
Moral of the story: Girls should never shop for diamonds with other girls. NEVER. But every girl should have a friend like Tee
2008 was a leap year. That just worked out for me.
It was a good year. I loved Manhattan and being a hop, skip and a path away from Manhattan, was just perfect. I was in love. With a city. With a man.
BK (not Burger King at all) and I had decided to get married sometime that year and we were in no real hurry. My parents were eager to see me married, though. As with many children of Indian origin, marriages are less about life partners and living together, and least about love, it's about our parent's need to check off an item on their bucket list and check it off in style too. So the parents decided the dates based on convenience and the alignment of cosmic powers.
One day, I overheard BK tell a friend that he didn't see the need for a formal proposal or ring because we were betrothed already and I did say yes. And our traditions include a public engagement and exchange of rings picked out by the parents (you know because we have to wear it for the rest of our lives so it makes perfect sense to have our parents pick ugly jewelry out). He said he didn't believe it was necessary. And when someone says they don't believe in something, my faith in it is renewed.
So when he asked me what I wanted to do for Valentine's, the wheels in my head began to churn furiously. We decided to go out for dinner on Feb 13th, 2008 at The View, New York’s only revolving restaurant and bar.
(both of us were busy on the 14th doing heaven knows what!)
The View, 48th floor of the Hotel Marriot Marquis.
I got all dolled up and I had a Valentine's gift like no other. We met after work and his jaw did drop (slightly atleast) when we checked in our coats and were ready to be seated.
Once at our table, we talked some, ordered some wine and I was on. As the server left with our orders, I got up off my chair, went over to BK's side of the table, got down on both knees and proposed to the man (much like Monica to Chandler in F.R.I.E.N.D.S without the crying and candles).
You should have seen the look on BK's face. This time his jaw did hit the floor. And he kept saying, 'No No No... this is not how it is supposed to happen.. no..Oh my God'!
Me: 'Ahem...on my knees here... so will you marry me'?
BK: 'We have invitations printing.'
Me: 'I know, that's why I am asking'.
BK: 'You are not supposed to be asking'.
Me: 'It's a leap year. Women can ask. It's the 21st century, women can do anything.'
BK: 'Oh my God, Oh my God...'.
Me: 'I am on my knees'.
BK: 'Can I get a picture'?
Yes! He did take a pic! (And that's me on my knees)
BK: 'Yes, by the way. Awesome ring dude.'
Me: 'ehhh...can you help me up'?
| || |
So everyone's asked everyone...can we just get married now?
BK's plan all along had been to wait till I was leaving to India (where the wedding was to take place) and the day before either propose to me at the Yankees Baseball stadium or the Empire State Building. Sleepless in Seattle won and he did go down on one knee on the 102nd floor and ask me formally to marry him, 2 weeks before we were married. That's a funny story for another day.
To this day he still accuses me of upstaging him. Booyah!
Since we are less than a week away from Valentine's day - I will reminisce of how BK and I met.
Funny story really. First
Boy likes Girl. Then
Girl likes Boy. They decide to meet.
BK and I had been talking for several months before we decided to meet (Yes, back then I talked to strangers until they either married me or killed themselves
). He flew in from NY and came to India where I lived at the time. I booked a hotel room for him and picked him up at the airport. So we met at an International Airport in India for the very first time. It was sweet, really. We had the awkward hug and I-don't-know-what-to-do-with-my-hands introductions. After our initial awkward side-ways glances checking each other out, stealing more glances and sizing up subsided, we drove out to his hotel.
Being cautious nevertheless, I dropped him off and told him to freshen up in the next 20 mins while I waited. The gentleman in him would not let me wait outside a hotel or in a car while he showered. So he insisted that I accompany him.
I am thinking: 'I like him and all but what if he tries something funny, can I karatechop his a$$'?
Finally I relented and rode up the elevator with him. He gave me a box of Godiva for my trouble and ran in to take a quick shower. I politely waited on pins and needles, phone ready in hand.
Suddenly the power goes out. I grabbed my bag and ran out the door. I swung my bag like a Nunchaku
while I ran like a headless chicken, in the dark towards the Emergency Exit stairwell. Just as I got there, the generator kicked in and the lights came back. I waited for a beat. Nothing was happening around me. Nothing.
So I sheepishly walked back to BK's room and peeped in. Nothing. Shower not running though. I walked in quietly and shut the door.
I called out, 'Ok in there?'
In another 5 mins, when he was done and dressed, he came out of the bath. He slowly stepped out and took a sweeping, furtive glance around the room. Nonchalantly he asked me, 'What happened'?
I said shrugging, 'Power went out. Happens a lot in India.'
We left immediately to dinner.
Over dinner after getting much more comfortable and finding our former selves, he confesses.
He: 'Honestly, when the power went out, I thought you planned it and made off with my stuff. I kept yelling your name and no one answered. I was actually plotting your sad demise if you had taken my money and things. I also thought you were waiting silently for me on the other side of the door... and that you would break into the bathroom for my kidneys...I was in my karate stance.'
He: 'Why didn't you answer? Didn't you hear me'?
Me: 'I was just trying to fix the power... you know... while not freaking out or running out of the room or thinking you had roofis and somehow engineered the power outage.'
He: 'Oh *reflective pause*... we should get married. Now let me show you a cool trick with this fizzy drink and a tumbler'.
(Very appropriate thing to do in an uppity, upscale open air restaurant with live ghazals in the background.)
Me: 'Yes to both'.
Mexico, 2010. (No, my feet are NOT fat - just pregnant!)
BK is awesome. Being married to someone like BK, incredible. If I wish on someone 'May you find someone like BK and a marriage like ours' - I am being super magnanimous (super!).
Marrying BK is one of the best things that happened to me. Others include Nutella, the kids, Hello Panda biscuits, fresh Sugar Deo, The Office and sweatpants. But surely it tops the list.
Living together – hahahahaha (enough said).
We are a fun bunch of shenanigans – that right there is a rocking boat, precariously balanced on an ocean of unwashed dishes and piled laundry.
Let’s put this nicely – if we formed a band, we’d be called ‘Fought over lyrics; forgot tune’. If we named our house, it would be called ‘Toxic Landfill except if you are bringing food’. If we had an animal, it would be dead (that goes for a Goldfish too). As a couple – it would have to be ‘Lazy Crazy Duo’.
Needless to say, we complement each other beautifully by bringing all levels of drama into ordinary living.
“Hey Bebu, let me do the laundry for once”, said he never to no one.
“Hey babe, for the 20th time (literally – yes, I count and keep score), please fix the fire alarm”, nagged she really loud even though she knows it just needs new batteries.
“Hey Bebu, let me pick up those socks which are clearly lying on the floor in plain sight… right there… and has been for the past 3 days…”, said he in his mind and dismissed it promptly.
“Hey babe, let me get you some coffee”, said she and proceeded to read some random blog and bitch about it for an hour. Coffee – forgotten.
“Hey Bebu, let me clean up every single counter space in the kitchen that I have ruined with my cooking of this single dish. Also let me wash literally every piece of utensil that we own since I used them all in my cooking of this single dish”, said he never ever.
“Hey babe, I love this dish – freaking awesome. Let’s never share this recipe with anyone. And even if we do, let’s just point to some random site and also let’s skip an ingredient or two” said she, all the time to him but it doesn't matter since he doesn't know what went into the dish anyways.
“Hey Bebu, where are the light bulbs kept?”
“Hey Bebu, where are the beer mugs?”
“Hey Bebu, where are lil A’s diapers?”
“Hey Bebu, where is the formula?”
“Hey Bebu, where are my clothes?”
“Hey Bebu, where is the tape?”
“Hey Bebu, where is the air freshner?”, asks the guy who apparently lives in this house for the past whole year and still doesn't know where things are.
“Hey babe, what time is it in India?” ask she interrupting a phone call because calculating time difference is clearly an engineering expertise.
“Hey Bebu, where is the checkbook?”, asks he to the conniving her because she moves it every time due to his constant check writing.
“Hey babe, why can’t you pick up your phone – I called 30 times (yes, again with the counting!)”, said she practically every time he leaves the house.
“Hey Bebu. My phone is on vibrate because clearly I feel more than I hear”, said he but quickly realizing that he obviously is not good with his feelings or hearing.
“Hey babe, when I say it, it makes sense but when you say it, it’s mean”, said she to a puzzled him.
“Hey Bebu, let me make sure that I stop snoring and share the comforter with you while we sleep”, said he never.
“Hey babe, do not walk away when I am talking to you very loudly. I am comfortable here and can’t get up to follow you and I am not yelling”, said she to a zoned out him.
“Hey Bebu, I will not be balancing the last trash on the pile in the trash can but instead will be taking out the trash and promptly rebagging the bin”, said he never.
“Hey babe, why did you not anticipate that I would have forgotten?” said she to a zoned out him.
“Hey babe, how does it take you 3 hours to grocery shop?”, said the never-grocery-shops she to him who just returned from 4 different stores because she always makes these random lists
“Hey babe, let’s watch the game together after I make you some wings” said she but followed it up “Hey babe, but not now”.
“Hey babe, how can YOU forget?” said she to a zoned out him because clearly he cannot have anything else but pending chores on his mind.
By now you have noticed that I am the only one talking. And also that he walks around the house zoned out most of the time.
So here’s my final take on marriage – yes, I rather sweat all the small stuff. Because I am glad we just have plenty of these small stuff over any ONE big stuff. And heaven forbid, a big stuff comes my way, I do not want to sweat it but remain calm, keep communication open, be honest, give the benefit of doubt and deal with things head on.
Hopefully never but until then ‘Hey babe, you need to throw out all the near empty body wash bottles in the shower before you open a new one’.