Marrying BK is one of the best things that happened to me. Others include Nutella, the kids, Hello Panda biscuits, fresh Sugar Deo, The Office and sweatpants. But surely it tops the list.
Living together – hahahahaha (enough said).
We are a fun bunch of shenanigans – that right there is a rocking boat, precariously balanced on an ocean of unwashed dishes and piled laundry.
Let’s put this nicely – if we formed a band, we’d be called ‘Fought over lyrics; forgot tune’. If we named our house, it would be called ‘Toxic Landfill except if you are bringing food’. If we had an animal, it would be dead (that goes for a Goldfish too). As a couple – it would have to be ‘Lazy Crazy Duo’.
Needless to say, we complement each other beautifully by bringing all levels of drama into ordinary living.
“Hey Bebu, let me do the laundry for once”, said he never to no one.
“Hey babe, for the 20th time (literally – yes, I count and keep score), please fix the fire alarm”, nagged she really loud even though she knows it just needs new batteries.
“Hey Bebu, let me pick up those socks which are clearly lying on the floor in plain sight… right there… and has been for the past 3 days…”, said he in his mind and dismissed it promptly.
“Hey babe, let me get you some coffee”, said she and proceeded to read some random blog and bitch about it for an hour. Coffee – forgotten.
“Hey Bebu, let me clean up every single counter space in the kitchen that I have ruined with my cooking of this single dish. Also let me wash literally every piece of utensil that we own since I used them all in my cooking of this single dish”, said he never ever.
“Hey babe, I love this dish – freaking awesome. Let’s never share this recipe with anyone. And even if we do, let’s just point to some random site and also let’s skip an ingredient or two” said she, all the time to him but it doesn't matter since he doesn't know what went into the dish anyways.
“Hey Bebu, where are the light bulbs kept?”
“Hey Bebu, where are the beer mugs?”
“Hey Bebu, where are lil A’s diapers?”
“Hey Bebu, where is the formula?”
“Hey Bebu, where are my clothes?”
“Hey Bebu, where is the tape?”
“Hey Bebu, where is the air freshner?”, asks the guy who apparently lives in this house for the past whole year and still doesn't know where things are.
“Hey babe, what time is it in India?” ask she interrupting a phone call because calculating time difference is clearly an engineering expertise.
“Hey Bebu, where is the checkbook?”, asks he to the conniving her because she moves it every time due to his constant check writing.
“Hey babe, why can’t you pick up your phone – I called 30 times (yes, again with the counting!)”, said she practically every time he leaves the house.
“Hey Bebu. My phone is on vibrate because clearly I feel more than I hear”, said he but quickly realizing that he obviously is not good with his feelings or hearing.
“Hey babe, when I say it, it makes sense but when you say it, it’s mean”, said she to a puzzled him.
“Hey Bebu, let me make sure that I stop snoring and share the comforter with you while we sleep”, said he never.
“Hey babe, do not walk away when I am talking to you very loudly. I am comfortable here and can’t get up to follow you and I am not yelling”, said she to a zoned out him.
“Hey Bebu, I will not be balancing the last trash on the pile in the trash can but instead will be taking out the trash and promptly rebagging the bin”, said he never.
“Hey babe, why did you not anticipate that I would have forgotten?” said she to a zoned out him.
“Hey babe, how does it take you 3 hours to grocery shop?”, said the never-grocery-shops she to him who just returned from 4 different stores because she always makes these random lists
“Hey babe, let’s watch the game together after I make you some wings” said she but followed it up “Hey babe, but not now”.
“Hey babe, how can YOU forget?” said she to a zoned out him because clearly he cannot have anything else but pending chores on his mind.
By now you have noticed that I am the only one talking. And also that he walks around the house zoned out most of the time.
So here’s my final take on marriage – yes, I rather sweat all the small stuff. Because I am glad we just have plenty of these small stuff over any ONE big stuff. And heaven forbid, a big stuff comes my way, I do not want to sweat it but remain calm, keep communication open, be honest, give the benefit of doubt and deal with things head on.
Hopefully never but until then ‘Hey babe, you need to throw out all the near empty body wash bottles in the shower before you open a new one’.