I want to begin here by saying that I was a person of science. But that would not be entirely true. The only thing I did in my science classes were pass notes, talk, draw caricatures of my earnest teachers and eat behind their backs. At the first chance I got, I opted out of learning more of it and turned to Economics and Commerce.
But yes, Big Bang did happen, all of us evolved from apes (I mean, how else would you explain some people), dinosaurs were cruelly killed and everything in the human body is measured by percentages of elements and nothing else.
There was a time when I would invite Black Cats to cross my path, I think they ran the other way when I crossed their's. There was a time I scoffed and smirked at anyone crossing their hearts, throwing salt over their shoulder, running away from ladders, shielding themselves from eclipses or warding off the "evil eye".
That was a time when I didn't have as much vested in the world.
Recently as we, a group of moms stood talking, one of them scoffed at another about warding off the evil eye off their son. The scoffer said, 'Don't believe in that crap. That's not the way the world works.'
I am a closeted superstitious soul. I can't risk it anymore. There was a time I invited Karma to come calling. Or spilled salt at life, broke mirrors that didn't tell me that I was the fairest and whatever else old wives fancied. That was before. Before kids. Before meeting the love of my life.
What if something happened to them because of that silly cat, or of not crossing my fingers?
'That's not the way the world works.' Perhaps. Let me also tell you how else the world does not work.
Good things doesn't always happen to good people. We have no qualms with it happening to bad people. But bad bad things happen to good people. A lot. You never see a news piece about some freak accident where the reporter comes back and says, 'Oh don't feel too bad. This guy was an a$$hole'.
Luck doesn't always turn for the hardworking. Sometimes Murphy or God or something out there just sets out to get you.
Drunks still drive. Sometimes they text while they are at it.
Wrong place, wrong time aligns more often than not.
Prayers go unanswered.
Cancers don't always go after the smokers, alcoholics, substance abusers or perpetual tanners.
The safest place is not always your home or your school or a hospital or even your place of worship.
Technology does not always enable. Those machines that are taken for granted decide to revolt when you least expect it like landing gear when you want to land a Boeing.
Irony is commonplace.
Some times some things in life can't be explained.
While everyone is doing everything the sciences tell you and still see that not everything is perfect, they create something imperfect to believe in. Its beauty is in its imperfection. You never have to explain it with calculated reasons or rhyme. It just is. And just like our sciences and medical know-all, it works until it doesn't.
Yes, I will burn salt and ancho chilies to ward off the evil eye off my girls. Yes, I will cross my fingers when BK sets out to do something stupid. I will knock that wood till it breaks in two, I won't place any consecutive 6s around me. On Fridays that are also the 13th day of the month, I will put my family under house arrest.
I think part of being a partner in love, a mother, a child to wonderful parents, a sister or a friend is to constantly appreciate how blessed we get with every passing day. To treasure that constantly. To greedily want more. To ensure that nothing rocks that world but parties and celebrations.
And to anyone who wants to mock and scoff, please pick on those beliefs that are harmful to people, to their souls. Things like having a female child is ill luck.
So in the mean while, dear Black Cat, stay out of my neighborhood.
Please tell me that I am not alone. In the comments, please tell me what superstition have you sold out for?Please find indigoandviolet on Facebook (or just click here) and LIKE for updates!
A great teacher
In our world of multitasking and the race to fill every waking moment with something accomplished or earned, it is very hard to hear or see small hidden lessons.
I always knew parenthood was a learning experience for me... not just in the art of changing an explosive diaper with one hand while ordering your next meal with the other or the art of distracting a toddler weilding a weapon while refereeing sibling wrestling. I am talking about hidden life lessons.
I learned a few things as my precious 3 year old shakes her head at me.
Last week O and I sat down to spend some crafty activity time together. Ofcourse I have to multitask. I pulled a piled of clean laundry to sort through and fold. O frowned at this. But she was excited that Rima from the Rima's Reflections
gave her something fun to do - My Pretty Mosaic
by Alex Toys.
The idea is to take a pre-designed picture and coordinate stickers to the color and stick. Ever so simple for us... a bit of a hand and eye and attention coordination for 3 year olds.
O set out to do this except she would stick it outside the lines or anywhere she wanted.
After several corrections and me remaining distracted with my phone and the laundry and by then just wanting her to be done already, I turned away so that she could massacre the dancing ballerina to whatever she wanted.
Then she says, 'Mama, did you see... I stick it correctly...you see'?
I said, 'Sure sweetie... looks awesome.'
O: 'Mama... you did not see... I am going to remove it and do it again to show you'!
Me: 'Noooo... pls don't rip any stickers off... let's finish this ok'?
O: 'No, you are not looking... put the phone down and help me take this sticker off.'
I resigned to putting my phone away and setting down to carefully peel that sticker off so that she could show me again.
She goes ahead and tries to get it right but doesn't.
I say, 'O, didn't I tell you not to take it off. Now see, it's outside the lines.'
She: 'So what mama'?
I: 'But it is supposed to be inside the lines.'
O: 'But mama, this is way I like it. See, it's beautiful.' She said this with such earnestness.
I had nothing.
Except the realization that I have begun the conditioning of my child to stay inside lines, think inside boxes so that they can grow up to think outside the box, to use coordinated efforts at all times, to stick to pre-designed ideas and notions.
She completed the picture but now doesn't want to do the rest of the pictures because 'stickers are for fun and to stick anywhere'. Ofcourse.
We will try again later, when I know better.
Her Mosaic - the perfect dancing Ballerina
Another day, another lesson.
Almost a member of our family
This blanket is three years old. I remember buying this before O was born. I never imagined its destiny or where it may end up. Just that it was pretty enough, cheap enough and it was purple enough.
This blanket is what my daughter loves most. Over the last three years, it has become a fixture in most of our family pictures, our bed time routine, our road trips, our vacations and meal times.
Today morning, I had to put it in the wash. I need her blessing to do that or else. Every parent dreads the or else
. We put it in the wash and she said her 'see you later'-s.
A few minutes later she comes to me with the longest face and says, 'Mama, now I don't have a blanket. I don't have anything.'
I say, 'How about I give you this new one...see it is also purple and it's new and it's very pretty.'
She looks at it with a big frown and says, 'But it does not have any dirty things on it.'
I: 'What dirty things? Isn't that good'?
She: 'No those dirty things'.
I: 'You mean lint balls'?
She: 'Yes... that ones... I pick on it'.
Me: 'But why? Those are not nice... this one is clean and new.'
She: 'No mama. Old purple blanket is nice. It has dirty things and I pick on it and it is always my best friend. I want only that one.' Then off she went to guard the washer.
She said this with such finality and so indignantly that I just sat back and let the lesson wash over me.
Very so often BK and I talk about what's best for the kids and how they should have everything. How they should learn everything and learn it the most fun way to learn. How some of their things are dented or old or damaged. The one thing that we never talk about are the things they are learning that we are not teaching them. We are always about the new and the shiny and the perfections and blemishlessness.
But once long ago, we were about the odds and ends, the little favored malfunctioning toys, the just-right broken pieces of collectible shells, the sweet animals with missing legs, the eyeless cuddly teddies, the free toys that came with something valuable, the dogeared book.
Life was simpler then and my parents never understood me.
I bet this morn 3 year old O thought the equivalent of 'My mom just doesn't get it'.
Parenting is one tough lesson.Please find indigoandviolet on Facebook (or just click here) and LIKE for updates!
The girls shopping on my dime!
Recently we were out shopping and Little O was running around like wild...
Nice Lady at store to O: Hey little girl..you are so cute.
O: thank you
Nice Lady: It's that your sister? She is so cute too.
O: thank you. Look at my mommy, she cute too.
Me: *tears* *blush* Awww... that child!
I was scolding Little O for fighting and kicking her cousin.
To which she replies: 'I not kicking him Mama, I only lift my leg and keep it on him.'
Another time that I scolded her to hurry up...
She picks up her toy phone and says, 'Police, my mama is shouting at me'.
Me, *ashen faced* sees ahead into the future in an instant.
Already reading on the pot!
The delights of Potty Training. It is a delight, right?
I started potty training lil O, a few months after she turned two. She understood the concept immediately and loved the potty - not the one I got her but the porcelain one.
The things I learnt potty training a willful little girl...
- Show and Tell - they understand best when they see it and you know how these kids are, they love imitating you. No amount of explained helped O. Show her once and she is all for being just like mommy.
- Take it slow. When little O saw that I wanted her to pick this skill up immediately, she simply refused. She wanted to pee in the other bathroom, she wanted the door shut, she wanted the whole paper roll... so I let her be or pee.
- Stock up on roll of toilet paper. Oh boy, do they love those. One time, she almost had the whole roll wrapped around her hand!
- Stock up on disinfectant and wipes, there's poop everywhere. I went cold turkey with her and put her in underwear right away. She peed everywhere and pooped everywhere too. It kind of worked because she didn't like the icky feeling of it running down her legs or pooling at her feet. (sorry for grossing you out - I had to clean all that up, so take a deep breath). She didn't like it began to want to use the bathroom when she needed to go. Win!
- Bite your tongue. There are times when they will go without an incident and then there are times when accidents happen, sometimes willfully. When O is busy playing, she will not pause to go use the potty, wipe, flush, wash her hands, dry them and return. To her, that's a lot of work. I try not to scold her for the mess. Sigh! What I make sure is that she has it easy - easy to remove clothes, reachable soap, step stool to reach the wash basin, toilet seat down.
- They forget. Keep reminding them that they need to use the bathroom. They forget, that's all. When I ask her sometimes, 'Do you want to pee'?, she will stand there as I ask and pee for me. Argh!
- Stayed tuned for the drama. You know what these kids will do? They will watch themselves pee, poop, what to touch the poop, want to watch the poop and not flush, will wipe and want to save the toilet paper, what to put their hands in the toilet, stick their head in the toilet... you name it, they will do it. Try to resist yelling at them for it. They haven't been to the bathroom much before so let them be. Take pictures of them do these stomach churning things and we'll show them when they are 16!
- It's really not a big deal. People say that you should reward successful potty moments. But what I do is, not make it such a big deal. I do say, 'Good Job and Great Going' but I do not go all out and dole out stickers or hugs or treats. Because these little people understand that if this is what happens when you are good, then something bad may happen when you are bad. They feel worse when an accident happens. Atleast O is sensitive that way. So I just remind her to use the potty when an accident happens (yes, sometimes I end up scolding her because accidents happen at the most inopportune moments!) and give her 'Hi-Fi' for a success. That's it, no big deal.
- Stay out of it. When your little one wants to go to the bathroom, let them and you stay out. Treat them like little people. Let them go and get out of their clothing(s), put up or down the toilet seat and climb on, go, flush, wash etc. Don't go over to enhance or critique their performance, assess how they did or give them step by step instructions. You already showed them how, now step back, let them take care of their business. When I treated her like a grown up, she was better than when I take her to the bathroom.
- Drink some wine. Your child is fine and you are doing fine. They will get their sh!t together. (Did you see what I just did here?!).
Do share your funny potty train crash stories. I would love to hear.
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Being a mom is hard.
Being a working mom with two kids, 2 and under is really hard.
Being a working mom with two kids, 2 and under and a blog to maintain... well, that's easy.
Because the blog suffers. And no one gets hurt.
And that's why I am not on here as often as I would like to be.
I revisited my goals for this blog and I take comfort in the fact that I am being heard. By a precious few... but heard never the less.
I am in a comfortable place right now... so comfortable that I am getting a tad bit rusty. So I need to wake up and come here to dust once in a while. I will do that.
I look around me at mommies and women around me and I remain humbly inspired. They do so much and are so talented and very selfless. They always want to do more.
Take a break. That's what I want to tell them. Take a break... let me catch up.
There are some weekends where I can't wait for it to be Monday, so that I can pack my two and drive them to the daycare and come home to savor the quiet. Or go to work and not think about that night's dinner or grocery list or piling laundry until it is looming large above my head.
There are some days when all I want to do is watch my kids play and make a mess. Learn all their little songs with them and dance like a ballerina wearing spider-man tattoos.
There are days when I slog in the kitchen to make something... anything that my kids won't spit out or paint the walls with. Then there are days when I simply quick-dial my dinner.
There has been days when I actually fished in the laundry pile for a pair of something for me to wear or for one of the kids to wear because.... c'mon how dirty... really dirty can clothes get, huh?
There are days when my need-to-be-handwashed dishes just sit there dirty and sprouting mold or whatever little stuff on them.
There are times when I have no clue what the true color of our area rug really was... underneath all those toys, trash and dust.
There are days when I rush off to work or rush back from work. Then there are those awful days when I bring work home or carry my home to work. There are days I am late to work or late from work. Then there are days when either my mind never came home with me or left with me to work. Sigh!
So I strike a balance. I let somethings go.
It's ok if BK and my kids eat couple of quick meals or dines out - either they appreciate my cooking or it's a lucky break for them.
It's ok if I mask left overs and re-present them differently 3 days in a row, that's mommy being her creative self and experimenting on you.
It's ok if my laundry is undone and we are running out of clothes to wear, it just means new and more clothes for all of us.
It's ok if my house looks like a war is going on, it just shows how much fun we had making this mess.
It's ok if my pantry is empty and we are running out of toilet paper... wait, that's never ok.
What I am saying is, women across the world always do a lot, and they don't even have to be moms or wives. I feel they are always doing too much or trying to get everything done, every day. I am saying - it's ok. Our kids love us or hate us anyways, no matter what we serve them, no matter how we dress them, no matter how we smell. Our men, they are awesome too. They are not standing aside with that measuring yardstick trying to count our falls or chores undone. They rather see us happy and calm than frowning and exhausted.
So I am embracing this imbalance. I am embracing a dirty house but loving home. I am embracing our local Chinese food but loving teaching the kids how to use chop sticks. I am embracing shopping in yesterday's laundry and wearing new ones out of the store. I am embracing my half there-half here imperfect, smelly self... ugh, let me go wash my hair.
And that is indeed why I am slacking on indigoandviolet. I love that part of who I am but I am letting it gather some dust.
Cheers to all the people who do too much!
It's summer here on the East Coast and everyone especially the kids know what that means - Park, everyday. EVERY.DAY.
My 2 and half year old gets out of Day care.. that is playing the whole day and the first thing she says is, 'Can we go to the Park?' with a ready-to-brawl look in her eyes.
Ofcourse, I pick my battles.
I love the park as well. BUT... there are some things that should not happen in the park. And these annoy me to no end...
- The Swing-n-Slide Playsets on the playground or the park are meant for kids. You know... the little people below age 15? Yeah, those people. Not for fully grown adolescents or adults. Period.
- Every one should know how a Slide works by now. Let me show you with this little picture I drew. It's very simple really.
- If you or your child has a cold or a virus with visible or invisible symptoms, please don't pretend it's not there. You should get the hint when you see the other parents cowering and running away from you with their kids.
- Parents, you know how kids are right? If you bring snacks to the park, be ready to handle a stampede or gawking kids. And if your kid spills it, you know you will unleash the wild side of these kids. And ofcourse we other mommies are going to hate you because my kid is now clamoring for a snack, of which I have none - Thank you very much!
- Ok, big kids old enough to have phones, what are you doing at the playground? Really, what? And you are sitting still on the swing staring at your phone while there are little kids staring right at you. Please go home.
| || |
- Parents, while you were posting for the world, to see how awesome your kid is at the park; that little genius of yours is eating mud. Also they are bothering other little kids whose moms may or may not be trained in Taekwondo.
So rants aside, it is so much fun to see your little one find such joy while learning life's little lessons of fair play, sharing, dealing with unfairness, picking themselves up from a fall, making friends, finding challenges and having fun.
- Disruptive kids need helicopter parents. I saw this one child, age 6/7 pour a bottle of water down the slide while other kids waited their turn and then had to turn back down. I saw this other child who stuck gum onto the seat of a swing. I saw another child throw stones. Where are their parents? Rather you control your child before someone else steps up. Sorry but needs to be said.
- While having said the above, I do understand kids will be kids. Push may come to shove. Pleases may get forgotten. Someone may go out of turn. Fair play may remain an ungrasped concept. That's all right as along as someone is around to help.
- Please do not liter. Seriously.
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Also please leave me a comment with any other thing that annoys you at the park.
Firstly, roll your eyes.
Get it out of the way.
Now begin to sympathize with me... I am a suffering soul.
(please wear your most sarcastic hats)
- With all my TV shows either cancelled, ending or wrapped up for the season, I have nothing to do with my evenings this summer. What will I watch on TV now? What will I DVR? My DVR and life are so empty.
- My phone is so slow with all the apps I have running on it. It takes me 7 seconds to get into FB. How am I supposed to keep my 442 best friends updated of what I ate and what I am wearing and the pictures I have taken. FML.
- The Starbucks on my way to work gets my name wrong EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. I am totally giving them the silent treatment now. But that means, I don't have my favorite Caramel Ribbon Crunch Crème Frappuccino every morning. Where else am I going to get 500 delicious calories? FML
- It is summer now and I have nothing to wear.
- I hate it when the 'ENTER' key on the keyboard doesn't work on forms. I hate it that I have to find the mouse and point the cursor to click. I have to move my hands! I have to coordinate my hand and a pointer. That's so much work. My life is miserable.
- I watch some old re-runs on ON-DEMAND and they do not have fast-forward. I have to sit through so many ads. It's slowly killing me, inch by inch.
- The Brownie Brittle Salted Caramel that I bought just doesn't have enough salted caramel on it. I have to eat a ton to get the aftertaste of salted caramel. Boo Hoo Hoo. (Btw, please try Brownie Brittle - to die for!)
- Some sites do not expand well on my phone and I have to wait to get my laptop to read them. Way too much stress in my life.
- I hate it that I have only 6 skips on Pandora. Because some days Pandora is totally PMSing and plays such terrible songs. I had to listen to terrible music on my walk through Times Square today. Just terrible.
- I needed a vacation to recover from my vacation but I didn't get any days off. FML.
- All of the foods that my friends list on MYFITNESSPAL is throwing me off my pretentious diet plan. Stop eating good stuff you guys, it makes me crave them. ARGH!
- My chips bag makes so much noise that I can't hear the TV. Why can't they put them in a quieter bag instead? The same thing happens to me in public places and then everyone knows that this fat lady is sneaking chips. FML.
- I borrowed out all my favorite books from the Library and I just don't know how I will finish all of them before the due date. OMG, such a predicament.
- I wanted to write 15 of them here ....but I realized that I don't have any more of these real life crisis. Wahhhh!
For the record, I laugh real hard at First World Problems.
Please please share your first world problems here... cmon!
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Hitting a good or bad milestone in your personal life is always a good thing. You grow as a person and you are forced to mature enough to handle the other half.
Growing together in the last 5 years, I realized that each of us picked our own paces, grew in the direction that we most wanted and yet we stay rooted together. I did not lose my individuality. Yes, I am known to many of BK's friends as his wife and yet amongst them, there are many who know me for me. All my friends love BK and my family...well, they have come out and said that they love him more than they love me. Sigh!
I marvel at life and it's randomness in making the most profound things happen, ever so casually. I met BK by chance and at that time I fully thought that there was no way I would ever marry this guy. What if it had not been? But you know, it was meant to be.
We had friends over on the morning of our big day, great food and our kids were slightly sick and it was a cold and rainy day. And I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. The ups and downs of life manifested.
We decided on a steak wine and dine that night and we took our kids along. Half way through the starters, feeling thrilled that O ate plenty, we dared to relax. Just then O threw up right in the center of the restaurant, where we were seated. She threw up things she ate couple of days earlier, it was a mother of all throw-ups. When the projectile throwing up ended, we packed up our steaks and headed home. After the girls went to sleep and puke stains washed off, we ate our cold steak alone amidst laughter and stories of our girls.
But undeterred, we decided to try again the very next day. And this time, half way through our starters, Lil A throws up where we were seated and I made a mad dash to the ladies room with her and she kept throwing up all the way over. The best thing was I managed to keep the puke off her and my clothes. WIN!
This time, we shrugged and continued eating.
Yes, I wouldn't change a thing. Life happens irrespective of all the milestones it brings us. This day, we were surrounded by friends and family. Blessing aplenty.
Cheers to life and the people in it.
Really, Babe? Really?
- Yes, I may have said that you can go and have fun with the boys or colleagues or whatever but that doesn't mean that when you return, I am not going to say, 'While you were out having a ball, I was cleaning poop and chasing these kids!'.
- Yes, if you have been out of the house for any time more than 2 hours then when you return you are on diaper duty and food service.
- I am doing you a huge favor if I have to put my phone down, get off the couch to get you anything, switch on anything or scratch your back. This means you are putting the kids to bed that night.
- Yes, it has been me throwing out all your razors or hair stubs covered anythings off the bathroom counter. Don't you understand why it is that I disappear whenever you start looking for your sh!t!
- There are only two reasons why I fold and do your laundry - 1) I can't just do mine and leave all of yours there and 2) It's leverage to use against you for that weekend. Remember how I say, 'I did allllllllllllllllllllllllll of this laundry, so please make dinner, bathe the kids and put them to bed while I try to rest with my achy back'?
- You know how over the last 5 years, you have build up quite a stock of single socks? Yeah, that's on me. Every time you leave your socks right in the middle of the stairs, walk-in or hallway, I toss it.
- Stop buying colors of shirts and tees that I don't like. Some of them are so bright that noone notices me next to you. And you remember how you were looking for them? Well, guess who makes a Red Cross donation once a month?
- Yes, there is a reason why your million shoes are stored in the garage and my precious few are inside the foyer - 1) you have millions of them and 2) mine are precious. So yes, it has been me who tosses your shoes into the garage.
- I am the-shut-down-and-lock-up person in this house. I don't care if you roll your eyes and tell me that you locked up because guess what I find when I get downstairs? Atleast one light lit and one door unlatched.
- Yes, no matter how much we "discuss" this loudly, you spending anything on anything is taboo. IT IS NOT the same when I do it. Where have you ever heard of men being called 'high maintenance'?
- Even though I do not show it, if you leave your mail box open on our laptop, I do look at it. I haven't clicked open anything or scrolled through it....yet. It is not beneath me.
- I am sure you have gotten some hints but if someone gives you a compliment, they better give me one too. I don't know how this is your problem but it is.
- Sorry that I am not overly enthused when you decide to cook. You mess up my kitchen and use every single pot and pan in my kitchen. I keep my kitchen spotless and ...well, basically unused. I like it that way. I hate that the price for that yummy dinner that night is for me to clean up.
- Yes, I leave all the dirty jobs for you and act like I would have done it when you have started it.
- I disappear when you start cleaning up or vacuuming because you make me move things and lift things and put things away. Dude, cleaning up and vacuuming involves these tasks. I can easily hold a vacuum and move it around the room...it's these tasks that make vacuuming a least favorite job. *rolling eyes*
- No matter how many times you count and keep tabs, I am not going to take out the garbage, it's a man's job - there, I said it. And no, you can't toss my question back at me - 'Since when is it a woman's job?'
- Yes, if we have gone to bed angry, I mindfully toss, turn, sigh loudly and pull at the comforters to waken you. Why should you be sleeping when I am fuming?
Hun, I just thought I would come clean, it being our 5th year coming up and all. I totally love you.
Cmon 'fess up ladies and men too. I am sure many of you have some juicy confessions to make.
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In a few days, I will get an expensive gift.
In a few days, BK and I will hit a small milestone in our journey together. 5 years of staying married, of surviving with each other and despite each other. For good, great or bad, we made 5 years worth of memories.
We learnt a lot too.
10 things I learnt in the last 5 years courtesy BK
- Pick your battles. The war goes on forever.
- Bodily functions are just that. They may look yucky, sound funny and definitely smell terrible but they do not define a person. Just what he ate that morning.
- Hide your flaws in his imperfections. Embrace both.
- Conventions and stereotypes have no place in your marriage. Define your own terms. He cooks; she fixes. He does the math; she shops. He takes pictures; she balances the checkbook. It's all good.
- Park your arguments and present an united front to your common frenemy - your sly children.
- After the kids come along and there's been plenty of loud crying - your tears are not going to stand a chance in melting any hearts. Don't bother.
- There is no HIS' and HER'S... whoever get's there first and whoever blinks first is what matters.
- No matter what, the other person's side of the bed is cooler, softer and more comfortable.
- Don't keep tabs on anything. Tabs just show that it's still countable and not countless.
- Let's face it - after a closet full of clothes, she still has nothing to wear and just about every sport in the world is riveting to him.
: At the end of every day and every hurdle, you love him and he loves you and together you guys love beer. So Cheers!
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